Reading back through my last few posts, I fear that the Buddhist content seems to have fallen a little by the wayside. So today, albeit back at work, has been a good excuse to bring my practice back to the forefront.
As always, the two hour drive from Bristol gives me ample time to chant, and this morning, chant I did, most of the way. It really does sharpen me up for the day ahead, but it also allows me to take stock of the weekend and the events thereof.
My life has changed quite a bit since Bumble and I got together, not just geographically, though of course that has been apparent, but also spending quite a bit less time at home, the structure of my practice has also changed. I would like to feel for the better, though some may disagree.
It’s quite funny that my being a Buddhist could probably be put down as the most influential reason why B and I ever met. Her Mum is also a Nichiren Buddhist and without that, she may never have taken an interest, and life would not have changed in the manner it has.
So it is beholding to me to ensure that I maintain my practice, improve my Buddha nature and continue my quest for self improvement, not only for my own benefit, but also for Bumble, who saw, and still sees it, as a very important part of our relationship.
The first day back after a rather strange few days away from the office, I couldn’t decide whether it felt like a Monday or a Thursday, or maybe somewhere between the two. The drive down to Ringwood this morning was easy, but slow. Lots of time to chant and to take stock of the things that had happened recently.
Overindulgence, in whatever form, often leads to a period of recuperation, and so it was today. The evenings jollifications with Phil and Nick yesterday led to Bumble being laid low for most of the day. Not that she went bonkers, or anything like, but it appears that her constitution was compromised and she spent the day recovering.
As with all things in the universe, the normal order is that of chaos, and so it was that our Friday night plans to go over to friends for dinner were turned upside down and inside out. Not that the evening wasn’t a real pleasure, it was, but nothing like that which had been envisaged.
Sometimes, problems, or as we like to call them, challenges, seem to just keep on coming, one after another after another. With two deaths, as well as other problems associated with dementia in the family happening in the past few weeks, it’s been all too easy for us to start to wonder ‘What on earth have we done to deserve all this?’
They say that things are the darkest just before dawn, but I would suggest that this is not always the case. When people are under intense pressure, as we all are at the moment, that darkest moment can come at almost any point.
Although there are signs that we are moving towards a conclusion, nobody knows how far along the path we are. As with all things in life, everyone and every situation is unique, so we keep up our vigil and chant and pray for a peaceful and dignified outcome.
Still sitting, still waiting, still wishing that this awful process would end, yet feeling ashamed for wishing.
The Search For Enlightenment 
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