And Life Continues

Wheel of LifeThis is the first day after Ivor’s passing, and it is taking a while for us to comprehend that although he is no longer with us in body, his spirit lives on, and that life in general continues.

It is so reassuring to know that he is at one with the universe and that after resting, he will be back to start his next life. Each lifetime is a journey, an opportunity for us to learn from the challenges it sets us, and to be a better person the next time around.

Ivor was much loved by his family and all those who came into contact with him. It is fascinating to ponder the ways in which he will use the lessons he learned during his next life. Whatever they may be, I am sure that he will make the most of them, becoming an even more loveable character when the Wheel of Life turns once more for him.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.

The Saddest Happiness

The Saddest HappinessToday, or to be precise, a couple of minutes into tomorrow, Ivor Harold Charles Lemin relinquished his tenure of his worldly body, in favour of a period of rest, before embarking upon another life in the near future.

After the most harrowing of weeks, the end was beautifully quiet, gentle, peaceful and dignified. Bumble held her Dad’s hand as he slipped away, leaving us with the saddest feelings of loss, but the happiest feelings of relief that his suffering was finally at an end.

Take your ease Ivor, rest well, and who knows, we may meet again in your next life.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Just Before Dawn

They say that things are the darkest just before dawn, but I would suggest that this is not always the case. When people are under intense pressure, as we all are at the moment, that darkest moment can come at almost any point.

Our Fundamental Darkness, my Dark Passenger, can have a field day when we are tired, emotional and stressed out by Ivor’s situation. Whilst the trick is to keep a wary eye on the little devil, it is also of paramount importance that we maintain our compassion for each other too.

Ivor remains comfortable, sedated and pain free, but there cannot be any improvement, so we are still keeping our 24 hour bedside vigil, supported by the marvellous staff at Frenchay hospital. Although Ivor is not a Buddhist, his wife Jill is, so please send Daimoku, if you can, to help her through this most difficult of moments.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Endless Day, Endless Night

Although there are signs that we are moving towards a conclusion, nobody knows how far along the path we are. As with all things in life, everyone and every situation is unique, so we keep up our vigil and chant and pray for a peaceful and dignified outcome.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

This Is The Real Hell

UnendingStill sitting, still waiting, still wishing that this awful process would end, yet feeling ashamed for wishing.

This is what real hell is. Being trapped in a helpless situation, wanting to run away from one of life’s certainties, wanting to help, to fix this, but being completely inept in every way.

Chanting for strength, for courage, for wisdom, for compassion for everyone, including myself.

Waiting, Just Waiting

Waiting, Just WaitingSitting here, in ward 107 of Frenchay hospital, with Bridget, her mum, her sister Sue and her husband Steve, we are all waiting. We are waiting for the current situation to change, for the pain that B's father Ivor is currently suffering, dulled by morphine, to stop.

We do not know what course this path will take, nor do we know the length or duration of the journey. But we are all here, together, supporting each other and here most importantly for Ivor. We, in turn, are surrounded by caring people, whose sole aim is to make this journey as peaceful and dignified as possible.

The Wheel of Life turns at a never changing rate, although there are times like this, when we might wish that it would go a little faster, or just stop altogether.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

The Purpose Of My Prayer

An article, written by me, for the Homophilosophicus blog to explain my view of the role of prayer in Nichiren Buddhism.

Prayer in Nichiren BuddhismJust like a scratched record, I hear myself once again having to explain, that unlike almost every other religion, Nichiren Buddhism see things differently. Not that I feel I am apologising for that, just that because it is a philosophy for life and living, rather than a religion in the more generally accepted sense, the meaning and purpose of prayer are in my opinion, fundamentally different.

As with all the deity based religions, prayer is a conduit of communication, a method for getting a message, or request, heard. However, in Buddhism, prayer is a communication to the inner self, rather than to an external being, and in that respect, it is more about focussing the conscious and sub-conscious on a task or topic at hand.

Prayer in Nichiren Buddhism is an integral part of our daily practice. We say, or think, as three of the prayers are silent, four prayers during Gongyo and these are they:

First Prayer – for the appreciation of life’s protective forces:

I offer appreciation to the Shoten Zenjin, the functions in life and in the environment that serve to protect us, and pray that these protective powers may further be strengthened and enhanced through my practice of the Law.

Second Prayer – for the appreciation for the Gohonzon:

I offer my deepest praise and most sincere gratitude to the Dai-Gohonzon of the Three Great Secret Laws, which was bestowed upon the entire world.

I offer my deepest praise and most sincere gratitude to Nichiren Daishonin, the Buddha of the Latter Day of the Law.

I offer my deepest praise and most sincere gratitude to Nikko Shonin.

I offer sincere gratitude to Nichimoku Shonin.

Third Prayer – for the attainment of kosen-rufu:

I pray that the great desire for kosen-rufu is fulfilled, and that the Soka Gakkai International develops eternally in this endeavour.

I offer my most sincere gratitude to the three founding presidents – Tsunesaburo Makiguchi, Josei Toda and Daisaku Ikeda – for their eternal example of selfless dedication to the propagation of the Law.

Fourth Prayer – personal prayers and prayers for the deceased:

I pray to bring forth Buddhahood from within my life, change my karma and to fulfil my wishes in the present and the future.

* Prayers for specific outcomes are brought to mind here.

I pray for my deceased relatives and for all those who have passed away, particularly for these individuals:

* Here we bring to mind the names of those we particularly wish to remember

I pray for peace throughout the world and for the happiness of all humanity.

I think you can see that the prayers are mainly intended to bring to mind the subjects they contain, rather than being any form of communication with a third party. They focus the mind on the desired effect, and are intended to remind us that we need to make the causes ourselves, for the effects we wish to see.

We remember the dedication and sacrifices that the founding presidents have made in order to keep the faith alive and the efforts they have made in promoting the religion in the past decades. I feel it is important to mention that although the third prayer mentions the development of the Soka Gakkai International, it is more important that the aim of the SGI to promote peace for all on earth, rather than the organisation itself, is the desired outcome.

Personally, during the forth prayer, where we bring to mind specific outcomes, I remind myself of personal goals, self-improvement, human revolution and the like, as well as thinking of others who are struggling with challenges such as ill health, difficult situations and so on.

By bring these things into my consciousness means that I can focus on ways I may resolve my own challenges, or help others resolve theirs. There is no concept of me asking any third party to intervene in the outcome, the responsibility for that is all my own.

In that respect, I find Nichiren Buddhism to be a very empowering philosophy. I am taking responsibility for the events occurring in my life, myself. Whilst this puts the onus squarely on my own shoulders, it also gives me control, rather than handing it to any third party  whatsoever.

Far from being an all-knowing, all-seeing deity, I am, like you, a simple human being. So I make mistakes in the decisions and thoughts, words and deeds I perform each and every day. Because I take full responsibility for all those mistakes, I am free to learn from them, rather than ask forgiveness for them.

Prayers form a large part in that learning process. By purposefully bringing these erroneous issues into my consciousness, I am able to analyse, evaluate and modify my thinking. By doing this as part of my daily regime, I am forced to constantly confront my failings, and that improves my chances to improve and to increase the scope of  my enlightened nature.

So I hope you can see the contrast between Buddhist prayers and those of other theistic religions. Far from being a form of communication between the person praying and his or her god, it is communication between me and my consciousness. Furthermore, because I accept responsibility for everything that happens in my life, I am forced to search for the causes of the effects I am experiencing, rather than asking ‘why is this happening to me?’.

I am tempted to suggest that Nichiren Buddhists do not actually pray at all, in the accepted definition of that word. But although the intended recipient of our prayers could not be more different, the intention behind those prayers can be seen to be very much the same.

Catching Up

Catching UpHaving a weekend at home has given me chance to catch up with all the things that get left behind while I’m up in Bristol with Bumble. So today has been a day of making good all the missing posts on my blog, washing all the clothes from the holiday, not all fun stuff I’m sure you’ll agree.

But it’s also been great to be able to chant in front of my Gohonzon. I enjoy, if that is the right word, chanting anywhere, as you may have seen from my Chanting in the Dark post. But I have to say that having the Gohonzon in front of me does seem to make it more relevant.

Now that may sound a little trite, but I imagine the same might be said for people praying in church, rather than by kneeling next to their bed. I think it is probably more to do with the focus of my practice, rather than any inherent power in the scroll itself.

Anyway, there is a certain satisfaction in getting the chores up square. It was also nice to be able to sit and watch the Tour de France live without feeling guilty. But given the choice, I would choose spending the weekend with Bumble over doing the washing, and I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear that.

And Relax

And RelaxFollowing yesterday’s cancelled meeting, I have to admit that I was a little apprehensive about the group meeting planned for today. For me, not knowing about a situation is often far worse than the reality turns out to be.

We do work pretty hard, as a team, to keep the wheels of the company’s IT systems well oiled. Sometimes it involves out-of-hours tasks, simply because we can’t do admin in the middle of the working day, sometimes it is a fire fighting exercise, when a website decides to go AWOL, or a hacker decides to try his luck at breaking in.

So when the governor told us that we were going to have our group meeting, and cover the discussions he had with the other department yesterday, a million questions started whizzing around my brain.

The meeting was to be held in a nice quiet local hostelry, so at least the environment was pleasant. But then their Wi-Fi wasn’t working, so we couldn’t go through the discussion points as we had no access to our back office systems. It was a fairly quite, but very tasty lunch, but the questions remained.

So cutting our offsite visit a little short, we reconvened in the boardroom back at the office to hear what Guy had to say. I don’t think I was the only one wondering what he had in store for us. So when it turned out to be a case of miss, or lack of, communication, we gave a collective sigh of relief.

Lesson learned, there is little or no point worrying about issues that it transpires, don’t actually exist. Pointless getting stressed about an imagined set of circumstances, and less than productive to try to second guess the outcome of anything, given little or no information to go on.

We do need to improve our processes, hone our interdepartmental communications, and fine tune our planning strategies. But as far as the worrying was concerned, it was a sad waste of time and effort. I must try harder next time, to remember the lessons of today.

Nice lunch though!

Biting My Tongue

Biting My TongueCommunication is the key to resolving issues, whether that is in a domestic or a work environment. So when we heard that there was a meeting planned for this morning, to iron out some issues between us, the IT team, and another department, I was looking forward to putting our point of view across.

Unfortunately, for reasons unknown at present, the meeting was cancelled, so the opportunity was lost, for the time being at least. Whilst it is not in my remit to resolve such issues, it benefits all concerned if they can be addressed and some form of compromise reached quickly.

I guess I will have to bite my tongue until we get another opportunity to meet. But I’m also hoping that the issues and the feelings that they generate will not escalate in the mean time. A little wisdom, courage and compassion on both sides will help prevent that happening, so fingers crossed that all three are in abundance.

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