The Storm Before The Calm

The Storm Before The CalmWorking from the cottage today was like working in the middle of Paddington station. Everyone having somewhere to be, somebody to see, something to do, and all for the funeral tomorrow. And there I was, sitting in the melee and getting on with my work.

The pandemonium of today is all in a good cause. Getting things done today, getting all those little things that take so long, out of the way, so that tomorrow we can be calm, collected, serene even, as we get ready to say goodbye to Ivor, in this life at least.

But getting things done, getting all the ducks lined up, putting everything in its place is a good way to live generally. When you plan, you become self-aware, then you can put those plans into action, making the causes to help create the effects you wish to see.

So tomorrow is on one level, a very special day, for Ivor’s family and friends, it will be a day never to be forgotten. But on another level, it is the most ordinary day, the most inevitable day, and a day that can teach us why to live our lives to the full.

Wise Words

Wise WordsHaving thought long and hard about death and the process of dying, I have been privileged to read some very wise words from some very wise people over the last few days. By now you will be well aware of my own thoughts and feelings on the subject, but I would like to share some of the thoughts of others:

 

 

 

Death – the last sleep?
No, it is the final awakening.
~ Walter Scott ~

The fear of death follows from the fear of life.
A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

~ Mark Twain ~

Some people are so afraid to die
that they never begin to live.
~ Henry Van Dyke ~

Only those who have dared to let go
can dare to re-enter.

~ Meister Eckhart ~

Of course you don’t die.
Nobody dies.
Death doesn’t exist.
You only reach a new level of vision,
a new realm of consciousness,
a new unknown world.

~ Henry Miller ~

A man’s ethical behaviour should be based effectually on
sympathy, education, and social ties –
no religious basis is necessary.
Man would indeed be in a poor way
if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.

~ Albert Einstein ~

To fear death
is nothing other than to think oneself wise when one is not.
For it is to think one knows what one does not know.
No one knows whether death may not even turn out to be
the greatest blessings of human beings.
And yet people fear it as if they knew for certain it is the greatest evil.

~ Socrates ~

We are ignorant of the Beyond
because this ignorance is the condition of our own life.
Just as ice cannot know fire except by melting and vanishing.

~ Jules Renard ~

The bitterest tears shed over graves
are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

~ Harriet Beecher Stowe ~

I believe there are two sides to the phenomenon known as death,
this side where we live, and the other side where we shall continue to live.
Eternity does not start with death.
We are in eternity now.

~ Norman Vincent Peale ~

As a well spent day brings happy sleep,
so life well used brings happy death.
~ Leonardo DaVinci ~

And finally the piece I read at my own father’s funeral …

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Whatever we were to each, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be the household word it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was;
there is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of your mind
because I am out of your sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near just around the corner…
All is well. Nothing is past, nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before,
only better, infinitely happier
and forever we will be one together.
~ Henry Scott Holland ~

Eternal Joy

EternityI have been writing the piece to be read at Ivor’s funeral today, and just thinking about the Buddhist view of death has lightened my mood enormously. As you may know, death does not represent the end of life, as it does in many other religions, but rather another stage in the eternal Wheel of Life.

As you might expect, I am not going to show the world what I have written just yet, that will rightly be reserved for the ceremony on Friday, but I will publish it here once everything has settled down.

Of course it is not a humorous piece, but I am hoping that it will put a smile on people’s faces, rather than the sombre looks that are typical of funerals. Thinking about how we feel, after the death of a family member or someone close, the sadness is really for the loss of that person. But there is a real joy in knowing that they are moving on to a new life, with all the exciting possibilities that entails.

I am not exactly looking forward to Friday, but I do hope that I will be able to counter any sadness by pointing out the positive side of the Buddhist view.

Letting Go

Letting GoIt’s been a rather sad day for me today. Not because it was my first day back at work after a very difficult week away, or because it was a Monday, or even because I was missing Bumble, though of course I was. It was because I had to step back from the process of organising Ivor’s funeral. Not that I think for one instant that it will be anything other than perfect, but I was finding it very hard to be at arms length all of a sudden.

You know the feeling, when you have been doing a tricky jigsaw puzzle and got to within the last few pieces, or struggled with a tough crossword puzzle but only have the last clue to solve, then you get called away for some reason. When you return, someone has finished the puzzle, or inked in the last word, you feel a little cheated. We that’s how I was feeling, at least a bit.

Then, having taken a minute or two to think about things, I realised that this is not about me, in fact it’s anything but, so who organises what, or arranges what, is totally immaterial. In fact, I have been asked, by Jill, to contribute something for which I am very honoured. She has asked me to write, and to read at the graveside, something that explains the joyous nature of death in a Buddhist context.

So I will put my heart and soul into writing a piece that illustrates how death is far from the end in Buddhism. That it is simply another phase in the Wheel of Life and signifies the beginning of another cycle of life, and as such, is something which holds a great deal of happiness.

The Saddest Happiness

The Saddest HappinessToday, or to be precise, a couple of minutes into tomorrow, Ivor Harold Charles Lemin relinquished his tenure of his worldly body, in favour of a period of rest, before embarking upon another life in the near future.

After the most harrowing of weeks, the end was beautifully quiet, gentle, peaceful and dignified. Bumble held her Dad’s hand as he slipped away, leaving us with the saddest feelings of loss, but the happiest feelings of relief that his suffering was finally at an end.

Take your ease Ivor, rest well, and who knows, we may meet again in your next life.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Just Before Dawn

They say that things are the darkest just before dawn, but I would suggest that this is not always the case. When people are under intense pressure, as we all are at the moment, that darkest moment can come at almost any point.

Our Fundamental Darkness, my Dark Passenger, can have a field day when we are tired, emotional and stressed out by Ivor’s situation. Whilst the trick is to keep a wary eye on the little devil, it is also of paramount importance that we maintain our compassion for each other too.

Ivor remains comfortable, sedated and pain free, but there cannot be any improvement, so we are still keeping our 24 hour bedside vigil, supported by the marvellous staff at Frenchay hospital. Although Ivor is not a Buddhist, his wife Jill is, so please send Daimoku, if you can, to help her through this most difficult of moments.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Endless Day, Endless Night

Although there are signs that we are moving towards a conclusion, nobody knows how far along the path we are. As with all things in life, everyone and every situation is unique, so we keep up our vigil and chant and pray for a peaceful and dignified outcome.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

The Saddest Of Memories

My Nan, Charlotte and HannahMarch the thirteenth always stirs up the saddest of memories for me and my family. It is exactly twenty years ago today, that I lost the second most important lady in my life, my paternal grandmother. Just to make it even worse, if that were at all possible, ironically, March the thirteenth 1992 was a Friday, probably the worst Friday the thirteenth ever.

She was the most wonderful grandmother anyone could ever have had. She looked after me when I was very young, when my Mom was suffering from Tuberculosis, in the days when it was often fatal. She was a tweeny, a maid between stairs, in the days when Upstairs, Downstairs was a lot less romantic that it is on TV today. She was married to my grandfather Walter, in the days when Wally wasn’t a derogatory name.

She lived in a council house in Erdington, Birmingham, never owned a car, never really had two pennies to rub together, but was dignified and always proud of the way she looked and the way she kept that house. I spent many, many happy school summer holidays there, and remember being spoiled rotten.

She made the best bread pudding in the world, always had peaches or pears and trifle on the tea table and knitted me more school jumpers than I can count. We went on lots of holidays together as a family, but never outside the UK, in fact she may never have been abroad in her whole life. She was never happier than when she had something to worry about, but she was always happy and full of love.

She was just wonderful, was always there for us and is greatly missed. It makes me happy to know that she is back in the world somewhere and I know she will be spreading love and light wherever she (or he) is. We are thinking of you Nan.

Life’s Too Short To Waste

The Grim ReaperDeath does not discriminate, it strips us of everything.

Fame, wealth and power are all useless in the unadorned reality of the final moments of life. When the time comes, we will have only ourselves to hold to account.

This is a solemn confrontation that we must face, armed only with our raw humanity, the actual record of what we have done and how we have chosen to live our lives.

All that remains to ask is this …

Have I been true to myself?

What have I contributed to the world?

Which areas give me a sense of satisfaction, and which a sense of regret?

Think about this each and every day, for one day, maybe sooner than you think, it will be too late to make amends.

Death – A Buddhist Viewpoint

Death - A Buddhist ViewpointThe passing of the close friend, of a close friend, led me to seek out a Buddhist poem about death, from the Buddhist viewpoint.

Though we may relinquish our body in this lifetime, we are not gone, nor will we ever be.

This body is not me.
I am not limited by this body.
I am life without boundaries.
I have never been born, and I have never died.
Look at the ocean and the sky filled with stars, manifestations from my wondrous true mind.
Since before time, I have been free.
Birth and death are only doors through which we pass, sacred thresholds on our journey.
Birth and death are a game of hide-and seek.
So laugh with me, hold my hand, let us say good-bye, say good-bye, to meet again soon.
We meet today.
We will meet again tomorrow.
We will meet at the source every moment.
We meet each other in all forms of life.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

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