That Friday Feeling

25 May 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , , , ,

Hello Darkness My Old FriendWell here we are again folks, another week older and deeper in debt, or so a poor paraphrase of the song would go. Another day spent in Newbury has taken us a lot closer to completing the repair of Fraser’s and me a day nearer to getting my Bumble back.

I’m still struggling with the feelings of inadequacy in terms of looking after B, and we actually had a few sharp words with each other when I tried to explain how I felt. It seemed that there was a conflict, with me wanting to help and wanting her to allow me to do so, and she not wanting to put me to any inconvenience. Of course I should have recognised the mutterings of The Dark Passenger, but sadly I didn’t until it was almost too late.

We came to a sensible compromise, and when we spoke on Skype tonight, it seems that peace has broken out once more. I would like to think that listening to chapter 7, my favourite chapter of The Buddha, Geoff and Me got me thinking straight again. That and another serious chanting session on the way from Newbury to Bristol.

The day ended very pleasantly with a family meal round at Charlotte’s. Earlier in the day I just wasn’t feeling like talking to anyone, being in a low life-state and lacking life-energy. The chanting seems to work every time for me. I guess I should be getting used to that by now, but it still makes me smile when it does.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Recovery

24 May 2012 2 Comments

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: ,

Sprained AnkleGood news from the Scilly Isles this morning. Bumble’s sprained ankle is on the mend and the promised crutches have been delivered. She has been able to get around a little better and put weight on her injured leg, so good news indeed. Whilst it’s not the end of the story, it is going the right way, and we’re all the better for hearing that.

Another day in Newbury, we also made progress towards recovering the Fraser’s website, so more good news there. The process is long and tortuous, and has highlighted just how exposed we actually were to data loss in the web environment, but at least we are now aware of that and can take steps to close that hole.

Personally, I received a bit of a slap in the face regarding my own remuneration, and I shall have to investigate the reasons for that at a later date. I appear to have been guilty of building my expectations too high, although, in my defence, I had been lead to believe that certain things had been decided.

So another day of mixed emotions. Great news about Bumble, good news about the website, and less than good news about my salary. But to my own credit, he says blowing his own trumpet, a robust session of chanting allowed me to remain professional and positive. Let’s see if I can keep it up.

Would you Adam & Eve It?

23 May 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , ,

CrutchesThe traffic this morning was terrible, long queues for no apparent reason, right round the LV roundabout, and chanting wasn’t helping at all. Then we came across the cause, a lady had broken down on one of the few single carriageway sections. She was standing next to her stricken Focus, trying not to catch the eye of the furious motorists as they drove past. My heart went out to her. Being on her own, what was she supposed to do, and after all, nobody died or got eaten by bears. A little more compassion please folks.

With Bumble away, and the mobile signal being a bit flaky over there, we didn’t have our usual morning chat on the way to work. It’s a bit sad I know, but I do miss her when we don’t get to talk. So I was delighted when she called. She was walking down to the ferry and going off to Bryher for the day. Although they weren’t enjoying the glorious sunshine we had in Ringwood, it was warm and the air was soft. As we spoke, she kept stopping to take photos of wild flowers and views across the beach, and I was worried that she might pull off a repeat of the missed ferry on Monday.

Her call at lunchtime alleviated all those fears, she was on the island and enjoying the scenery in perfect isolation. Not another person in sight. So when we spoke just before 6:00 I was expecting more superlatives as she described the adventures of the day. Sadly that was not to be. Just after we spoke, she had put her foot into an unseen rabbit hole and has badly sprained her ankle.

Fortunately, the folks of the Scilly Isles have far more compassion than those in the traffic jam earlier today. It seems that she has been helped in every conceivable way, mainly by complete strangers, and is back with Josie and hobbling around with the aid or a pair of walking sticks. The crutches are coming over on the morning ferry, so that might give her a little more mobility.

Being a bloke, I instantly needed to fix things as soon as I heard about the accident. Of course that isn’t possible, or even needed, but it didn’t stop me feeling helpless. When we spoke on Skype tonight she sensed my mood. It’s no fun for me, being in such a position, but it won’t help Bumble, me being down, so I have chanted and got myself into a better place. The morning will bring a fresh medical report, I just hope that her injury doesn’t spoil her already curtailed holiday too much.

Mixed Emotions

22 May 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , , ,

Mixed EmotionsWhat a weird day, a proper rollercoaster of emotions. Being treated like an idiot is not the most fun, even though I may deserve it after the events of last week. Knowing that Bumble has safely arrived in the silly Scilly Isles made me feel better, having had a terrible night, waking up every half hour and wondering whether she was still safe, sleeping in the Yaris, in the middle of the ferry car park.

As we have discussed before, we can learn from the challenges of each and every day. The more taxing the day, the greater the opportunity we have to learn, but don’t expect it to be easy. Maintaining a pleasant demeanour whilst trying not to think evil thoughts was pretty tough, but I’m sure the protagonists have enhanced their karma, in one way or another.

Having had a good chant, a lovely video call to Bumble on Skype, and plenty of time to think about the day, I’m in a much better place now. Trying to reach enlightenment can be very challenging, though nobody ever said that perfection came easy. I’ve still got a long way to go, but days like today make the journey much more interesting.

Feelings Of Guilt

21 May 2012 2 Comments

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , ,

Spilled MilkEver had that feeling, that even though you have done your very best, that it just isn’t good enough? Well I’ve been feeling that all day, partly because of the mess I’ve made of the Fraser’s website, but mainly because B missed her ferry by 10 minutes, after I helped her plan the route and timings for the journey.

So I’ve been giving myself a hard time today. Trying to figure out a way to repair the website and wondering what I can do to help Bumble, stuck in Cornwall. I’ve chanted for both, and I think that has brought clarity, but I’m still not in any position to fix either properly.

Being in a relationship, be that personal or working, brings with it responsibility, we all know that. But there are certain times, certain incidents, that bring home that sense of responsibility into sharper focus.

There is nothing I can do in the current situation, other than remain focussed and concentrate on avoiding future mistakes. I can also stop beating myself up, crying over spilled milk as it were, and look to the future and ways to make amends.

Gardener’s World

20 May 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , ,

Ten WorldsAll this gardening, and tending the soil, has got me thinking about how the Earth, and the earth, and us, the people who walk on the earth are all connected.

A sense of being part of the great all-inclusive community prompts us to reflect on our place in it and on how we ought to live. Protecting other’s lives, the ecology and the Earth is the same as protecting our own life.

By similar token, wounding them is the same thing as wounding ourselves. Consequently, it is the duty of each of us to participate as members of the living community in the evolution of the Universe.

We must do this by protecting and cherishing Earth’s ecological systems. Not to do so would be the most extreme of follies.

Super Soccer Saturday

19 May 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , ,

UEFA Champions League Winners 2012 - Chelsea FCWell, who would have believed it? Having spent more money than is right and proper on his beloved Chelsea, Roman Abramovic, the Russian owner of Chelsea FC has finally seen his wish come true as Chelsea lifted the Champions League trophy in Munich tonight.

I have to admit that I too was in seventh heaven, though that’s not a very Buddhist place to be. All through the match, it appeared that we (Chelsea) were going to fall at the final hurdle once again, and I was trying hard to pre-empt the onset of any hell-state reaction.

In the end it proved un-necessary when Chelsea won on penalties, after a very exciting and enjoyable match. So all us Chelsea fans are delirious, having put a nice cherry on what has been a pretty mediocre cake of a season.

We should however, spare a thought for the Spurs fans who are now suffering. Chelsea’s win means that they are robbed of a well deserved Champions League place. Sorry chaps.

Big Mistake

18 May 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , , , ,

Lotus_DSHaving felt that we were almost there with the new Fraser’s website last night, I was in for a horrible shock this morning. On the drive up to Newbury, I was blissfully unaware that the live site had been all but destroyed by a re-sync I ran yesterday evening.

During Tuesday afternoon, I had inadvertently uploaded a script that had reset most of the content on the staging server. Of course, nobody was any the wiser because until the sites were synchronised, the live site remained intact. As soon as I ran the sync, all the damage was transferred over to live, and frighteningly there is no concept of an ‘undo’ command.

As soon as I looked in my inbox and saw the mails reporting the state of the site I was plunged into hell-state. Although the software partners are working on a set of backup scripts, I knew they were unfinished and that all the copy, images, menus and navigation was lost.

Fortunately, and to my huge relief, Bully had a data snapshot, albeit from February. That was the starting point for an entire day’s work, trying to cherry pick the latest elements from a whole morass of ancient code. Without the expert help of our partners, and Bully in particular, we, and by that I mean I, would have been in a very real mess. By about 5:00pm we were pretty much back where we should be. Thanks a million Bully.

So the drive from Newbury to Bristol was taken at a very leisurely pace, with a lot of chanting, while I tried to restore my life-state back to one of the higher worlds. It took a while, way past Swindon in fact, but finally my life-energies were on the rise. It’s strange how certain incidents can lower your energy, almost in an instant, but it can take a lot of chanting to get them back up again.

At least with my practice, I have a method to control them. Prior to practicing Nichiren Buddhism, I would have been in hell-state for a long time. By chanting, I raised them quite quickly, and I guess that had a good effect on both Bumble and myself as we sat and discussed the debacle over dinner. I know that I haven’t heard the last of this mistake, but at least I am in a good state to rationalise the incident, document the error and make plans to ensure that it never happens again. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.

Still Swimming

17 May 2012 1 Comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , , , ,

Jack Russell with a stickThis little software issue is taxing the best brains in our partner company, it looks like a really simple problem, but it’s more tenacious than a Jack Russell with a stick.

So another full on day in Newbury and determination is the key to solving it. I am driving up there again in the morning, determined and full of life-energy from all the on-road chanting I’m doing en-route.

It is a well known Buddhist saying that our problems are not the real problem, it is the way we perceive them that is the problem.

Don’t have problems, have a series of challenges. Challenges are just problems that we are confident that we can overcome. Our problems come and go, nothing lasts forever, so view them with an open mind, look on them as challenges and remember, you are turning poison into medicine.

Even places that have been shrouded in darkness for billions of years can be illuminated by a simple lit candle. Even a stone from the bottom of the deepest river can be used to produce fire.

Our present sufferings, no matter how dark, have certainly not existed for billions of years, nor will they linger forever.

The sun will definitely rise, in fact its ascent has already begun. With determination, we can all overcome our problems, so look on them as challenges and enjoy the victory when it arrives.

Swimming Against The Tide

16 May 2012 1 Comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , , ,

Newbury Clock HouseWell that was not a day I care to remember. It started with a ‘dressing down’ from the boss, partly for something that was non of my own doing but mostly for something I hadn’t done. That was closely followed by a number of painful email and telephone conversations, fire-fighting issues over which I have little or no control, caused by malfunctions which are beyond my control.

As a result of the admonishment, albeit given in good humour, I found myself on the M3/A38, heading towards Newbury, to a meeting with our software partners, to sort out a very nutty little problem, or should I say challenge? Fortunately, this gave me plenty of time to exercise my lungs by chanting at the top of my voice, which made the world a sunnier place all of a sudden.

It also gave me time to contemplate the causes for the situation and to come to the conclusion that I am more than a little responsible. So with a resolution to the software issue close at hand, and with the sun beaming down in the West, it was in a much better life-state and hence better mood, that I made my way back to MQ this evening.

Being responsible for, and accepting the effects of our actions is sometimes rather tough. But the alternative means that we are not in control of our lives or the things that happen to us. A good lesson for me, it can also be a good lesson for you too. When things go a little awry, take a good look at what is causing the issues and resolve to make the causes to put those things right.

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