And Life Continues

21 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , , , ,

Wheel of LifeThis is the first day after Ivor’s passing, and it is taking a while for us to comprehend that although he is no longer with us in body, his spirit lives on, and that life in general continues.

It is so reassuring to know that he is at one with the universe and that after resting, he will be back to start his next life. Each lifetime is a journey, an opportunity for us to learn from the challenges it sets us, and to be a better person the next time around.

Ivor was much loved by his family and all those who came into contact with him. It is fascinating to ponder the ways in which he will use the lessons he learned during his next life. Whatever they may be, I am sure that he will make the most of them, becoming an even more loveable character when the Wheel of Life turns once more for him.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.

Slightly Sad Sunday

08 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , , ,

Narrowboat Bumble - A Goal For The FutureSo that’s that, the holiday has been and gone. After all the planning, all the talking, packing, organising and travelling. After a really wonderful week afloat, during which we all got on like a house on fire, as expected. After all those fun times, going through locks, under lifting bridges, dodging all the other narrowboats and picking beautiful places for the evening mooring up. Even after all the sunshine and rain, it’s over.

I’ve always been of the opinion that it should be obligatory to have a week off after each holiday, just to give you time to get back into the swing of things. Sadly I doubt that any political party will ever table such a motion, even though it would be a great vote winner.

For me, the day started very slowly. Bumble managed to sneak out of bed without waking me, which is quite a feat as I am rather a light sleeper. By the time I got downstairs, she had already had her breakfast, started the washing and was cleaning and tidying, I felt rather ashamed that she was doing it all on her own.

I was keen to help, and did so by cracking on with the gardening jobs. The wet weather had done a great job of watering the runner beans and Steve and Andrew, the next door neighbours, had done the same with the tomatoes in the greenhouse.

Sadly, as I’m sure a few of you have also found, all these wet conditions have been perfect for our little slug and snail friends and they had munched a number of plants. The peas in the trough next to the front door hadn’t escaped attention, so I replaced the victims with the spares still growing in the greenhouse.

I also retrieved the hanging baskets from next door. They had been moved so that the boys could water them more easily, but with the weather being the way it has been, they admitted that the baskets hadn’t need watering at all.

Bumble’s bike needs some TLC after her son Sam had borrowed it recently. The crank bearings need replacing, but despite administering some gentle violence in trying to remove the pedals, I was unable to get to the guilty parts, so it will need a visit to the bike doctor to get repaired.

B had also been running out of steam early in the evenings last week, and we had discussed the possibility that she has an iron deficiency. So with time running out, we set off to the farm shop, to buy some liver, and see if that might help. En route we stopped off to buy some brioche which we had eaten toasted with paté at the Dusty Miller.

In all the rush, Bumble forgot to buy the liver, but we did have a lovely meal of toasted brioche and paté, with the obligatory salad, for dinner. After clearing up and taking a quick look through the photos on the PC, we decided that we were both pretty pooped so opted for an early night, after all, Monday mornings start pretty early when I have to drive back to Ringwood.

So a slightly sad Sunday, with both of us suffering a little from land-sickness after being on a moving boat for a week, and missing the tranquillity of canal life. But it’s nice to be home again, and as we all know, nothing lasts forever, does it?

I do have it in mind to buy our own narrowboat at some point and sail off into the sunset. So some sweet dreams to end the holiday, and a nice target to aim for in the future, now all we need to do is make the causes for the effects we want to see.

A Delightful Detour

07 Jul 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , ,

Mom and BumbleSo the holiday is nearly over, the boat was returned to the marina first thing this morning, everything transferred to the cars and the account settled. It’s always rather sad when you have to say goodbye to those you have shared time with, but we had planned to take a detour to my Mom’s on the way home, so still plenty to look forward to.

The satnav decided to take us on the scenic route to Sutton Coldfield, rather than opting for the motorway, but even driving on the A roads felt like we were flying, compared to the sedate 4mph of the last week.

The weather was kind, the day had started bright and sunny, and the rain managed to hold off until after we were on the road. There were a few heavy spits and spots as we made our way around Wolverhampton, through Cannock and then on via Shenstone to the town of of my birth, Sutton Coldfield.

Bumble had been to Sutton before. On Mother’s day we brought her Mum Jill to meet my Mom Margaret, but this time we approached the town from a different direction, so there were other landmarks to show her.

Surprisingly, considering it is over five decades ago, the maternity home, Oakhurst, where I took my first breath, is still standing. Nowadays it is a rather swanky set of luxury apartments, but the exterior hasn’t changed from that I’ve seen in the photos all my life.

Amazingly, today, Bumble and I have been going out for six months. In some ways it seems as though we have known each other for longer, in others the time has just flown by. But we are, naturally, still learning about each other, so showing her a little more of my history and background was a lot of fun.

Naturally, my Mom made us feel very welcome when we arrived. She had cooked a nice lunch, and even though I’ve eaten at some top restaurants over the years, Mom’s cooking always tastes the best. I’m sure you know what I mean.

After lunch we went out into the garden, where Mom showed us apples on her new tree and some beautiful flowers growing in pots and in the garden itself. Being in her eighties, Mom can’t do some things around the place, so Bumble and I moved some bags of compost and the bench up to the top of the garden.

The sun shone beautifully and Mom and B sat on the newly positioned bench to chat, while I took photos to remind us of the day. It is always great to visit Mom, but living so far apart means that it doesn’t happen as often as I would like.

With the journey back to Bristol still ahead of us, and with Bumble keen to check that the house and the new lodger were safe and sound, we set off just after 5:00. Again the weather was kind until we got near to home, then the heavens opened.

Suffice to say, we made it home in one piece and everything was indeed ship shape and Bristol fashion when we arrived. With things back to normal, the holiday really is over, but with a combined total of over a thousand photos, we will remember it for a very long time.

Unconditional Love

11 Apr 2012 1 Comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , ,

Unconditional LoveLoving, and being loved is really great isn’t it? There is little to compare with the feeling one gets from being part of a loving relationship, but there are two types of love, unconditional and conditional. Unconditional love is about giving without limits, about being happy for the happiness of others. Conditional love, on the other hand, can be painful for both parties. Elements of jealousy, or the need to be loved in order to love, can lead the way to a painful end of the relationship.

Buddhism defines love as an action. It is that force that motivates people to become better, to improve themselves in order to reach eternity and happiness. Love brings out the best in people, as when they love, the target is not themselves but the beloved one. This wish to serve the other is a reflection of an innate knowledge that everyone is connected through the same principle, and therefore, it is an illusion to believe that one can achieve true happiness while those around haven’t attained it . So, love is the action that makes people forego their own ego and concentrate their efforts on the other in a search for fulfilment.

Personally, I have been criticised for suggesting that, if my partner would be happier with someone else, that I would not stand in their path. That feeling, I believe, shows that I love them unconditionally and, arguably, more than someone who wants to control or confine them. It does not mean that I want them to go, just that I want them to be happy, and that my happiness is found through their happiness.

Achieving unconditional love is hard. So many people feel that they need to be loved to be happy. In fact, the most happiness comes from loving another, and the need to be loved is often a sign of insecurity. Loving unconditionally requires a totally unselfish attitude to the other. Being happy when they are happy, being happy for them when they succeed, rather than feeling jealous of their success. Keeping those negative feelings in check requires constant effort, but the happiness gained from so doing is unbounded.

So take a look at your motives next time you tell that special someone that you love them. Will you still love them if that love is not reciprocated? Are you happy for them when they find pleasure in something that is of no interest to you? Would you sacrifice the relationship if that added to their happiness? If the answer to any of those questions is no, then you are not loving unconditionally.

It is not the end of things if you are not, there is always time to change. Loving everyone, in the broadest sense of the word, is a very rewarding way to lead your life. Being concerned for the happiness of someone who clearly has no time for you is tough. Going the extra mile to ensure that the happiness of another at the expense of yourself is not necessarily a natural thing to do, but the rewards for doing so are great indeed.

So next time you say ‘I love you’ to someone, try mentally tagging on ‘no matter what’ to that phrase and see how that makes you feel inside. If you can honestly say that it makes no difference to you saying it, then you have reached the state of unconditional love and that will reward you every time you say it.

Look Before You Leap

03 Apr 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , ,

Look Before You LeapIt has been said, on several occasions, that I am impetuous. That I do things on impulse, without thinking them through as much as I should. It comes, I believe from being the eternal optimist and from seeing the good in something whilst ignoring any bad that might be lurking round the corner.

But being so impulsive can, and has been in the past, very damaging. Failing to weigh up all the pros and cons and not seeing things from every viewpoint can lead one into difficult and damaging situations from whence there is no easy return.

So when I read my latest post for Homophilosophicus to B tonight, I was all ready to send it off for publication. To my surprise, although she praised the piece, B asked me to sit on it for a day or two and to re-read it before I send it off. To me, this seemed rather un-necessary. After all, wasn’t I the one who had written it. Wasn’t I the one who had mulled it over in my head for the past month. What was there to think about?

Of course, through talking it over, it became clear that there were others in the piece who might read it, might react to it, who might, just might, be upset by it. So it’s sitting in my drafts folder at this very minute, ready for me to re-read it and re-read it again, until I’m absolutely sure it’s right.

Approaching things with wisdom, courage and compassion is a major part of my road to enlightenment. Now B isn’t a Buddhist, although she has many Buddhist ways about her, but having the courage to ask me to wait, to take stock, to rethink something very dear to my heart has been a good lesson for me.

Enlightenment is a long, long journey, and I have taken another important step forward on that journey tonight, thanks to the very wonderful B and her Wisdom, Courage and Compassion. Thank you Bumble.

Techno Trouble

20 Mar 2012 2 Comments

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , ,

My Blue Truth HeadcaseIt’s lunchtime, I need to pop into the town to shop and get cash, I jump in the car and head off. I decide to try to give B a ring. She’s probably busy, but I try anyway. I double click the call button on my Bluetooth headset, last number redial and I hear the ringtone.

‘You’ve been forwarded to the voicemail box for 07********, please leave a message at the tone’ says the lady on the other end. I was right, B’s busy and can’t take the call. Shall I hang up, or shall I leave her a message. I decide to do the latter, so in my huskiest voice I say …

‘Hi Bumble, it’s only me. I just called to tell you I love you, but you knew that already. Have a lovely afternoon and we’ll speak later. Love you, bye’

By now I’ve found my parking spot and I trundle off round town, pick up a few groceries and ask for cash-back so I don’t have to join the ruck at the bank. I stop to buy a Big Issue from the lady who always sits outside Sainsbury’s, then back to the car and the office.

No response from B, but that’s not unusual, she has precious little time to call or even text during the day. But then Guy, my boss says ‘I had a missed call from you at 1:05, was it important?’

‘Missed call? I don’t think so’ I say, and I check my phone. Sure enough, there’s a record of a call at 1:05, to Guy, and I wonder why. Then the penny drops. I had called him on my way to work, the traffic was bad and I thought I was going to be late, so he was my last call, and he was the unwitting recipient of my message to B !!!

I confess to the crime, praying that we won’t play the message in the office, he does. Well he starts to, and then decides that discretion is the better part of valour and deletes it. So another lesson learned. Don’t trust technology in matters of the heart, it can go horribly wrong and could get you into a lot of hot water. It was pretty funny though and it’s no secret anyway.

Mothering Sunday

18 Mar 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , ,

I ♥ My MomWhat a lovely day, spent with three mothers, B, her mum and mine. The journey from Bristol to Sutton Coldfield was made all the more pleasant with Scheherazade playing on the CD player accompanied by copious amounts of Love Hearts.

It was the first time B and her mum had met my mum and it was nice to hear mum relating the stories about how she met my dad and tales about our family homes around Sutton.

A lovely lunch and a guided tour of the garden made the time fly by and soon it was time to say our goodbyes. Having dropped B’s mum back home, B’s children Sam and Josie and little granddaughter Merrin came round to the cottage for the evening, so a lovely Mother’s day was had by all. Mum’s are the most important people in the world, for without them, non of us would be here.

The Saddest Of Memories

13 Mar 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , , ,

My Nan, Charlotte and HannahMarch the thirteenth always stirs up the saddest of memories for me and my family. It is exactly twenty years ago today, that I lost the second most important lady in my life, my paternal grandmother. Just to make it even worse, if that were at all possible, ironically, March the thirteenth 1992 was a Friday, probably the worst Friday the thirteenth ever.

She was the most wonderful grandmother anyone could ever have had. She looked after me when I was very young, when my Mom was suffering from Tuberculosis, in the days when it was often fatal. She was a tweeny, a maid between stairs, in the days when Upstairs, Downstairs was a lot less romantic that it is on TV today. She was married to my grandfather Walter, in the days when Wally wasn’t a derogatory name.

She lived in a council house in Erdington, Birmingham, never owned a car, never really had two pennies to rub together, but was dignified and always proud of the way she looked and the way she kept that house. I spent many, many happy school summer holidays there, and remember being spoiled rotten.

She made the best bread pudding in the world, always had peaches or pears and trifle on the tea table and knitted me more school jumpers than I can count. We went on lots of holidays together as a family, but never outside the UK, in fact she may never have been abroad in her whole life. She was never happier than when she had something to worry about, but she was always happy and full of love.

She was just wonderful, was always there for us and is greatly missed. It makes me happy to know that she is back in the world somewhere and I know she will be spreading love and light wherever she (or he) is. We are thinking of you Nan.

Views From The Other Side

28 Feb 2012 Leave a comment

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , , , ,

Views From The Other SideMy dear old friend Billy Brown had a favourite saying, ‘that everyone had a right to his opinion’. He was generally joking, but sometimes he meant it. My view is rather different, in that I believe that everyone has a right to their own opinion, whether it matches mine, or not.

Seeing things from another’s viewpoint is a critical part of being able to meet that person half way in any situation. That then gives us the ability to resolve, or at least come to terms with any potential point of conflict in a positive and constructive way.

If someone stands by their beliefs, even when doing so might run the risk of causing hurt in some manner, those beliefs must be respected. To do anything else would be to concur with Billy’s ideas, and that is not a recipe for peace, love or understanding.

Impermanence

14 Feb 2012 4 Comments

by Anupadin in Buddhism Tags: , ,

ImpermanenceOn the day when many of us promised to love each other forever, it is wise to remember that although we mean what we say, our human frailty will most certainly mean that we are unable to keep that promise. It has often been said that the only certain things in life are death and taxes, with death being the most certain.

Now don’t get all upset with me, I’m not trying to bring everyone down, just to put our promises in context. What we really mean is that we will love the other till our Wheel of Life turns full circle and we embark on our next lifetime. Not such a shabby promise after all, in my opinion.

But it is a good time to think about our mortality, not in a negative way, but in a way that we can focus on the most important things in life, and how many of those need to be completed while we still have chance.

Impermanence is a very important part of Buddhist teaching. Remembering that everything in our lives is ever changing, and nothing lasts forever, reminds us to make the most of each and every day. It also reminds us to treat our friends, family and particularly today, our partners, with love, compassion and understanding.

So having brought us all down to earth with a bump, I hope you all had a wonderful Valentines day. Just remember to show your love to others every day, not just when the card shops tell you that you should.

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