Just Wishing

Be Careful What You Wish ForSo many of us wish for things we would like, or wish to be things we aren’t. Short people wish they were taller, plump people wish they were thin, people with straight hair wish it was curly, people with curly hair wish it was straight.

Of course we are all ‘trained’ to want things from an early age, it’s a product of the consumerist society, and we are all urged to be dissatisfied with what we have, in favour of what the ad men can tempt us into buying.

But surely this way of going about things is a recipe for a certain degree of unhappiness. There are bound to be things we cannot have, maybe because it’s a physical impossibility, being taller when you are short, curly haired when your own is straight. So maybe there is a better way to look at things.

How about concentrating on the good aspects of our lives? You only have to take a few moments to think about it, and you will find that there are dozens, if not hundreds of things you are happy to have.

Maybe it’s your partner, family and friends. Maybe it’s good health, a decent job or even just having enough. So rather than thinking about the things you would like to have, take time to celebrate the things you already have, that are so precious to you, and things you would not like to live without.

And remember, you should always be careful about what you wish for. As a wise man once said, ‘Don’t wish for the stars, after all, where would you keep them all?’

BFF?

BFF?What Buddhism terms ‘good friends’, are sincere, honest people without a trace of deceit, who guide others toward the correct path, toward good. It also refers to people who lend their assistance or support to us so that we can practice Buddhism with full assurance.

If you become close to a person who makes you feel “that person is always glowing and animated” or “when I’m with that person I feel strong and secure,” then your faith will naturally deepen, and you will develop bountiful wisdom. In carrying out this Buddhist practice, encountering good friends is the key to obtaining Buddhahood.

– Daisaku Ikeda

Christmas Cheer

Christmas CheerWith families and friends gathering all over the world, to celebrate Christmas, it can be one of the loneliest days of the year for those who find themselves alone.

But rather than wallowing in that loneliness, you should set yourself a goal, and be determined, not to let the situation occur again this time next year. Make causes in the coming months to change the circumstances.

In one of his writings, renowned microbiologist René Dubos, stated. “History teaches that man without effort is sure to deteriorate; man cannot progress without effort, and man cannot be happy without effort.” This is indisputable.

You may be experiencing various hardships now, but because you continue to make efforts in the midst of those challenges, no matter how painful they are, you will definitely become happy. Effort and happiness are indivisible.

Take Responsibility

All those responsible, put your hands upSometimes we find ourselves in difficult or disappointing circumstances, and might believe that they are not of our making. The laws of Karma are universal, we get what we deserve, so whether we recognise the causes or not, the effects speak for themselves.

We might feel sorry for ourselves, we may think it’s unfair, but we make the causes for the effects we experience day in, day out. Now you may be saying that it’s destiny, fate, or coincidence, but that simply means you are delegating responsibility for your life to chance or a mystical figure whose existence can never be proven.

Why do we allow ourselves to be fooled? When we know the reason for events, we accept the situation and move on. When we don’t know, or remember why something has happened, we waft it away with airy fairy excuses, like fate or God’s will.

I’ve been through the mill at various times in life. Failed relationships, jobs losses, illness and  even death in the family. More than enough to make me feel, at times, that enough is enough. But when I sit and think things through, at the bottom of every disaster, there is, at least in part, a cause of my own making.

So I have to be the first to hold my hand up, I’m culpable, in part at the very least, and my chanting, prayer and meditation are the tools I use to put things right.

You might be sitting there thinking this doesn’t apply in your case, but you are wrong. You are where you are at this very second, as a result of all the decisions and actions you have taken up to this moment. Accept your responsibility and start making your own causes to get the effects you would like to see. If you don’t, you have nobody else to blame if things refuse to improve.

Mud Everywhere

Atop the Purbeck, before the worst of the mudThe morning was bright and crisp, the torrential rain of the last few days had been blown away, but even the wind had abated.

Perfect for a trip over the Purbecks. By eleven I was on the chain ferry with a friend and we were on our way to an appointment with Old Harry.

Apart from a few puddles, the roads were dry and the beautiful sunshine had brought out dozens of cyclists, all togged up against the single figure temperature. The bite in the little breeze there was reminded us that autumn is well and truly here.

Passing the Banks Arms, we took a left, up the interestingly rough uphill track towards the coastal path. There were a lot of people walking, their kids, their dogs, just themselves and everyone was trying to skirt the huge muddy puddles left by the recent rains.

It was about this time I wished I had invested in a set of mudguards. Even staying back from my friend’s back wheel didn’t stop the mud flying around my ears. MTB knobblies are particularly adept at digging through soft mud, and flinging it up at the hapless rider.

The ride up the spine of the Purbecks was just awesome. The stunning views of Swanage Bay on our left was matched by the sight of Poole and Bournemouth bathed in autumn sunshine, over to the right. It’s a good job there’s very little to run into up there, neither of us were really watching where we were going.

That became evident when I suddenly realised that we had ridden straight past the turning off down the Heritage Trail into Swanage. We made a scenic detour down the side of the hill and picked up the trail just before the steep descent of the chalk section.

Having negotiated the chalk got to the dirt path that leads down into the farmyard. Normally the surface is firm and dry, not today. It’s also a bridle path and it was clear that quite a few horses had churned it up … more mud.

The road from Swanage to Corfe Castle was dry, initially, but then as we got into the undulations the troughs were wet, the peaks dry, so we had a series of bespatterings as we went along. Getting to the castle, we stopped for a drink of water and got a few funny looks. It was only later that I found that I had bits of mud stuck all over my face, ears, hair, you name it, I had it covered.

By the time we got back to the ferry I think a lot of it had dried and fallen off, but I still found lumps of mud, I say mud, but there were a few cows along the way, so who knows, in some very interesting places later in the shower.

All in all, a brilliant day. Lots of fun, lots of chat, beautiful scenery, nature at its best. All that’s needed now is a nice soft brush and a hosepipe to get the remaining mud off my pride and joy … my bike I meant … behave!!!

Always There 4 Us

I Love My MomDoes it sound a bit sad to say that my Mom is my best friend? I don’t think anyone would describe me as a mommy’s boy, but speaking to her virtually every day, shows me that she is just that, my very best friend.

We have a similar outlook on life, albeit that we are a generation apart, and the changes in life between those two generations are vast. She doesn’t always agree with the things I say or do, and will tell me so, but she doesn’t tell me what to do, or how to live my life either.

She has always been there when I have needed support, and that is true for my brothers too. She tells me that I am her golden boy, but I’m sure she says the same to the other two too. She always tries to see both sides of a situation, and puts her point across with wisdom, courage and compassion. We always know where we stand, and we know that she will always stand by us in times of trouble.

So yes, my Mom is my best friend, and I feel very fortunate to be in that position. As someone who has lost her best friend in this lifetime, namely my father, I would like to think that I can, in some small way, reciprocate, and be her best friend now, in his absence.

If it wasn’t for the fact that she is a committed Methodist Christian, she would make a marvellous Buddhist. We talk about the differences between our beliefs, though neither of us would try to impose those beliefs on the other. We both take comfort from the other having a faith on which to base their life. I love you Mom, thank you for always being there, and I hope I can support you in any less happy times as much as you have supported me when I have needed it.

What A Let Down

Only Flat At The BottomSo the highlight of today was meant to be a gentle social cycle with friends over near Winchester. That’s not quite the way things worked out. Having made my way over there with my bike in bits, and having reassembled it ready for the ride, I was raring to go.

There are some beautiful back lanes around Alresford, obviously the reason that there are so many cyclists about. Rolling hills, farms, sheep, horses, even a pack of lamas, though not of the Buddhist persuasion. Beautiful countryside, and nice soft weather too.

All was going well, we were about half way around the 12k route, nothing too strenuous as one of the friends is doing the Round The Isle of Wight charity cycle tomorrow, then a minor setback.

My bike was feeling a bit strange, rather less roll and a bit more rock, and looking down I found to my dismay, that my back tyre was as flat as a pancake. Now 6km is not far on a bike, even with the odd hill to make it interesting, but 6km on a bike with a flat back tyre is a challenge.

Now I don’t know whether you have ever tried to cycle, standing up, leant over the front wheel, in order to take as much weight of the back tyre as possible, but it’s hard work. Try doing it for 10 metres, now try doing it for a kilometre, tough eh?

Now try doing it for 6km, up and down some not insignificant hills, with a certain degree of amused banter aimed in your direction, that is a proper challenge. They say that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I’m sure that is right, but just at this moment, sitting here, with two legs that feel like they’ve been under a road roller, it’s rather hard to agree with the sentiment.

But I’ve got a new inner tube, all ready to fix the wheel, and I’m looking forward to a ride over to the pier and back tomorrow, just to shake the aches and pains out of these poor old legs.

Be The Sunshine

Be The Sunshine

Life has it’s ups and downs, as we all know. Little things can make friends and family members unhappy or even depressed, so make it your job to make them feel better.

There are so many people, so many lives on this planet, too numerous, in fact, to count.

From this great multitude, we wondrously find ourselves together with those in our families, as parents and children, as brothers and sisters, as husbands and wives.

If we do not live joyfully and cheerfully with whom we share this profound bond, what is life for?

Should the atmosphere at home be sombre, you can be the ‘sunshine’. By being a shining presence, you can cast the light of hope on your mother, father, children and indeed all of your family and friends.

Tread Carefully

DeterminationThe people who are closest to us are the people we can hurt the most. With the best will in the world and with the very best intentions, a wrong word or deed can sometimes cause them a whole world of pain.

Being in the position of being responsible for supporting someone is a full time role, there’s no time off, no period during which one can let things slide. So when a conversation suddenly goes awry because of a thoughtless comment or reaction, the disappointment can be felt by both sides.

The result is like someone who is distracted whilst trying to push a boulder uphill. They have worked tirelessly to get it higher and higher up the hill. But the instant they relax their effort, or take their eye off the ball, the boulder starts back down to the bottom again.

In the same way, the trust and relationship you have worked so hard to nurture can suddenly takes a U turn and you can find yourself back where you were. Not only is that disappointing, but it’s quite possible that the damage caused could change things forever.

So be mindful. If you are putting yourself in a position where your support is important, be aware of the responsibility it entails. Be self-aware, show determination, compassion and resilience and be prepared to keep on giving, no matter what the circumstances.

As Rare As Hens Teeth

Mr TurtleA few simple thoughts on finding good friends …

“The best way to attain Buddhahood is to encounter a good friend.

How far can our own wisdom take us? If we have even enough wisdom to distinguish hot from cold, we should seek out a good friend. But encountering a good friend is the hardest possible thing to do.

For this reason, the Buddha likened it to the rarity of a one-eyed turtle finding a floating log with a hollow in it, the right size to hold him, or to the difficulty of trying to lower a thread from the Brahma heaven and pass it through the eye of a needle on the Earth.”

Nichiren Daishonin

Which in modern parlance means, it’s pretty difficult to find good friends.

So thank you to all the people I am privileged to call my friends, there are too few one-eyed turtles in life.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

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