The Search For Enlightenment

Despite my plea yesterday, the blame and counter blame emails started flying this morning, so sad. I understand that everyone wants to put their side of the story, make themselves look like the innocent party, get the family on their side. But isn’t that just the way wars and feuds start?

In the past, I was as guilty as the next man of doing exactly the same, but since finding Nichiren Buddhism I find, as I’ve said before, that I seem to have the ability to see things from both sides. I just hope that the first salvo doesn’t set the tone for the battle to come.

In situations like this, the people who suffer the most are the children. Not because they care any more, or understand any less, but because they have no control of their destinies, and get swept along with the tide of emotions.

Of course they will side with their mother, they have lived with her all their lives, apart from the time away at school or college. She has had the major influence on them, has nourished and cared for them, as any mother would. But that in itself slants their view of the situation and colours their opinions.

I do hope that all parties involved can come out of this long and often painful process without becoming bitter or vindictive toward the others. It’s a big ask, and something that is not often achieved, but I hope that the intention is there, at least at the start. As I said yesterday, we need to have wisdom, courage and compassion by the barrow load.

Tonight’s post is a plea from the heart to my family and those who are close to me. When problems arise between two people, there are always two sides to the argument, nothing is black and white, and one side’s view will never coincide with the other’s. So as an onlooker, please take a pace backwards and try, as far as humanly possible, to see the situation from both sides with a quiet, but understanding sadness.

Matrimonial disputes are always messy. Once the lawyers get involved, it is almost impossible to resolve things in an amicable way, because that’s not in the lawyers financial interest. They will advise their client to get as much out of the situation as possible, often with little or no concern for the heartache they may be causing in so doing.

My position, and I will state it clearly here, is that I am here for either side. I admit that, for me, blood is thicker than water, but that doesn’t mean that I am blinkered to the pains of my non-blood relatives involved. I will speak my mind to anyone who seeks my counsel, though,  I admit, that particular queue may be very short indeed.

But having been through more divorce proceedings than is good for one person, at least I know the emotions and feelings that those concerned are battling with right now. It is a horrible set of circumstances to go through, but it can be made easier for all concerned if only those driving the process show a little wisdom, courage and particularly, compassion.